Read
(A psalm by David for Jeduthun, the music leader.)
A Prayer for Forgiveness
1I told myself, “I'll be careful
not to sin by what I say,
and I'll muzzle my mouth
when evil people are near.”
2I kept completely silent,
but it did no good,
and I hurt even worse.
3I felt a fire burning inside,
and the more I thought,
the more it burned,
until at last I said:
4“Please, Lord,
show me my future.
Will I soon be gone?
5You made my life short,
so brief that the time
means nothing to you.
“Human life is but a breath,
6and it disappears
like a shadow.
Our struggles are senseless;
we store up more and more,
without ever knowing
who will get it all.
7“What am I waiting for?
I depend on you, Lord!
8Save me from my sins.
Don't let fools sneer at me.
9You treated me like this,
and I kept silent,
not saying a word.
10“Won't you stop punishing me?
You have worn me down.
11You punish us severely
because of our sins.
Like a moth, you destroy
what we treasure most.
We are as frail as a breath.
12“Listen, Lord, to my prayer!
My eyes are flooded with tears,
as I pray to you.
I am merely a stranger
visiting in your home
as my ancestors did.
13Stop being angry with me
and let me smile again
before I am dead and gone.”
Reflect
It’s one thing to endure hardship for a season. It’s quite another thing to suffer interminably, to languish at the miserable intersection of chronic pain and diminished hope.
Psalm 39 is a lament for the Sufferer who has endured too much for too long. It’s a prayer for the Pray-er who suspects her cries to the heavens are really just shouts into the void. It’s a liturgy for the Bewildered; a hymn for the Seemingly-Forsaken.
We don’t know much about King David’s illness, only that his pain has been prolonged. He’s got some complaints, and keeping them unspoken has left “a fire burning inside.”
So David prays a prayer that is part self-accusation, part God-accusation, and all plea.
Although we know enough of David’s story to know he eventually finds relief, there’s no resolution in Psalm 39. Mostly, David’s getting some things off his chest. Mercifully, he’s giving us permission to do likewise.
A millennium later, Jesus often has the psalms on his lips. In fact, he exhales one of David’s most heartbroken laments at the moment of his death (see Matt 27:46 and Psalm 22:1). During his earthly life, much of Jesus’ teaching on prayer centers on persistence (see Luke 11 and Luke 18).
Jesus seems to understand that, from a human perspective, God can at times seem distant or absent or just plain confusing. He does not ask us to deny our bewilderment or be polite about it – only to keep praying.
Nothing kills a relationship faster than the silent treatment. So the most important thing we can do when our prayers seem to be going nowhere is to keep on praying. Psalm 39 gives us the freedom and the mandate to pray out even our most petulant prayers – not as acts of rebellion, but of faith.
Respond
Father, Thank you for giving voice to human pain and bewilderment in your Word. Thank you for the invitation to speak freely. Thank you for sending Jesus. Because of him, I know that I never suffer alone. Help me to believe that even when I can’t feel it. Amen.
Carolyn Arends
Carolyn Arends (MA, Theological Studies, Regent College), has released 12 award-winning albums and 3 critically-acclaimed books. Her prose has been recognized by The Word Guild, The Evangelical Press Association, and the Canadian Church Press. Carolyn is currently the Director of Education for Renovaré, a far-reaching organization that encourages and nurtures spiritual renewal. She continues to be available on a select basis for speaking, retreat facilitation, concerts, worship leading and songwriting and performance seminars. She lives in Surrey, BC with her husband Mark and their two children. Book Releases 2012 Theology in Aisle 7 (CTE Books) 2008 Wrestling With Angels (Harvest House/ConversantLife)* Album Releases 2014 Christmas: The Story of Stories (2B Records), 2009 Love Was Here First (2B Records/Signpost Music).